THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
