It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
