If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
