all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize