dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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