Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
