I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
