so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
