Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
