My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
