I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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