Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
