you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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