My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
a search helicopter?!
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
