On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize