White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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