Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
