HIV tests are more positive than that guy
he wants to bone in the snuggie
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
