Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
