Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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