i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
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