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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Randomize
