i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
We left the knife in your bed.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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