So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
