Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
