He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
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