I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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