I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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