Sorry, I don't speak sober.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
