Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
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