god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
