i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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