I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
