Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
