I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
