DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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