well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
