Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
