Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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