if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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