I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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