im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
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