I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
