The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
