I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
