What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize