He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
