She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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