It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
