My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
