my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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