My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
