things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
