Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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