so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
