i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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