RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
