I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
