Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize