Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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