We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
