Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
