i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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