He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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