I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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