New low: just hacked my moms facebook
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
