either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize