My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
