I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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