This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
