He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
