just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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