I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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