Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You can't just leave with hair like that
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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