FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
third nipple confirmed
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He shit in the fireplace
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
