Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
