Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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