people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
