Come see our sink grown plant.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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