im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
