oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
