I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
she peed on how many people?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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