If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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