Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
