If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
