I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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