your parents love me but you hate me
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
