Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
i think my cat just said my name.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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