I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
