i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
