So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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