Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
