What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
