you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
