i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize