note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
