She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
