I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize