you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
