Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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