she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
