Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
