Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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