I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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