Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
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