dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
