so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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