youre lurking in front of me
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
